smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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