She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
