Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
