Please, let me fuck your mom
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Someone came in the potted fern
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
