He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
