Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
