Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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