I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize