Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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