Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
