also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
