his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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