i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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