Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Alive.
So much puke
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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