were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
