Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
