She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
