Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
