wakey wakey hands off snakey
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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