i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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