it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
