She said her name was "party"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
