where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just pee around me
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
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