3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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