It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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