Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
