apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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