areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dear god my vagina.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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