God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
