dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
