if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
