bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
