....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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