I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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