The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize