piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
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i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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