Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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