I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
birth control should be required to get into college
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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