Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
40s are totally the cure
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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