is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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