by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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