True but thats because hes a fetus.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
