Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Shame - the story of my life.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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