I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you never un-have a 4some
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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