Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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