His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
