I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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