Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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