Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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