what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
