im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
