Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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