And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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