I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
