I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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