The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Found your dick twin last night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
