just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
