I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
