the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
