Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
