thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
