my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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