his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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