i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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