Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
