im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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