Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
