I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
