you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
