I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
