HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
