I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
