She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
