I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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