literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
