Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
