I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
