just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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