Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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