I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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