how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
