I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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